While this attitude is accurate to a degree, there is point where the distinction ends. Yes, when a bully aggresses against someone, they are acting with malice for the intent of victimizing another person [note: sweeping generalization]. And an innocent person who has been victimized can feel wounded.

Certainly the coercion of another person, against their will, is NOT acceptable! And we recognize bully behavior in a wide variety of crimes against humanity (theft, assault, rape, etc…) When we are the “victims” of such abuse, we often feel frustrated by the lack of justice, redress and retribution.

But we are not a “VICTIM” until we succumb to the depression that threatens when the abuses done to us have not been punished, and accept their worldview as our own. When we respond to abusive behavior by giving up and accepting the standard of the abuser, we lose our innocence. And we become passive-bullies… better known as “a victim”.

I would like to posit a different paradigm. I maintain that the “bully” and the “victim” are two faces of the same coin… abuser. I say that an abuser is someone who forces another person to give them what they (the abuser) want, against another person’s will.

So far, so good, right? We think of the schoolyard bullies who took our ball away and who pushed into the dirt, taunting us to do something about it. They were generally people who got their growth early, and for whatever reason, they saw an opportunity to feel like a “big dog” by forcing other people to act against their own will and best interests.

It doesn’t matter what they lived with while growing up. Common sense, the world structure, and God all tell us that this kind of behavior is not what we were created to do. Moving on…

As we grow up, experiencing the good and the bad that life allows, we make choices. We choose to “get over it” when someone is cruel, or we choose to “get even”. [Please note that I DO understand the damage that child abuse does to a growing psyche. But even as children we understand right from wrong and we begin, very young, to make the choices that drive our further emotional development.]

Certainly we have heard of the term passive-aggressive, so we are beginning to recognize the negative traits that can exist in the “quiet” person. Most of us have suffered through the abuse of the person who said “yes” when they never once intended to actually DO what they had agreed to do. The passive/aggressive personality doesn’t fight… they just hold back, refusing to engage and refusing to bring clarity to those natural misunderstandings that happen in relationships. [NOTE: this is NOT to say that all quiet people are passive/aggressive!]

Rather than use the terms “bully” and “victim”, I want to propose these categorizations:
passive-bully and aggressive-bully.

I maintain that a “victim” who refuses to get past the abuse is a passive-bully. They are the people who finagle and wheedle and plead and look at us with those “doe eyes” and manage to get whatever they want, against the wishes of the other person.

The passive-bully feels that life “owes” them something and they are going to get all that they can, whenever they can. They manage to make us feel petty and selfish when we have to say “no” to their “demands”.

The passive-bully is quietly angry and bitter. No matter what we give them, they are never satisfied, they are never filled. And because the paucity of their lives and souls is so often between them and the rage they have against God because He didn’t keep them from being abused, WE can never hope to “fix” it.

Of course the answer is forgiveness… first of God and then forgiveness of everyone else they feel has wronged them in their life. But this solution is hard-won.

I know this to be true because I know how hard it was for me. While I was never a passive-bully, I did live with bitterness for many years, from early childhood until my early 30s. God did do a miracle when He delivered me from that dark, airless prison of burning bitterness.

There is truly very little that we can do to help the passive-bully. What we can do is to set reasonable boundaries in our own lives. When the passive-bully in our family or close friend group tries to push past those boundaries, we must remain steadfast.

We don’t have to be strident about it. We only have to say “no” and not explain. We say “no” and mean it. We say it kindly, but firmly. We cannot be swayed by sighs or cries or expressions of impending doom and how WE are going to be the cause of their ruin.

Now, obviously situations are going to vary from one relationship to another and even with the same person there may be times when it would be prudent to accede from time to time. But whatever decision WE make needs to be a decision made in the light of reason and balance and hopefully because we believe it is what God would have us to do.

IHMO…

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Then Tuesday night one of our cats killed a big one. We thought that was the end of it.

We thought wrong.

Late Wednesday night my hubby, Steven, felt something around his feet. Then something bit his toe! It didn’t break the skin on the bottom of his toe, but it did on the top. Then he saw the rodent running. It was about 7-8″ from nose to rump, with a longer tail. He chased it into my office, which is next to the kitchen. Then we didn’t see it again and so we thought it was gone.

We thought wrong.

Last night, Kiki (our huntress kitty) kept a perch near one of my bookcases. hmmm…. Then later my daughter, Staton, tells me that there is a rodent under that bookcase! We removed anything from the floor that could potentially hide a rodent, moving all chairs to the center of the room.

Kiki chased the rodent around the room and caught it a few times. I thought she would get it.

I thought wrong.

At that point she was more interested in toying with it. I wanted it GONE. All I had for “weapons” was a broomstick and a pair of Staton’s flip-flops. Kiki “treed” the rodent under one of the sections of my bookcase, which consists of two vertical boards, which made good barriers.

I “whocked” that rat back-and-forth and back-and-forth with the broomstick several times until I was sure he was dead. I really thought that was all I had to do.

I thought wrong.

I “swooshed” it out with the broomstick. It still tried to run!

So with my gloved hand, I “whomped” that rat with the flip-flop. It still tried to run.

So I WHOMPED and I WHOMPED and I WHOMPED and I WHOMPED and I breathed and then I WHOMPED and I WHOMPED and I WHOMPED some more… and its tail was still twitching!

I “whomped” and “whocked” it a few more times, resting now and then to try to come to terms with how HORRID I was feeling about killing a [formerly] living creature, until I saw blood on the floor. I was shocked at how dark it was.

It was really hard on me. … I guess that’s one reason why I am not a hunter. All I could think about was how glad I am that someone else kills my food and dresses it for me.

Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to kill something with a flip-flop?

devastated,
Cyn

p.s. trying to throw the body out of the yard was another adventure! I thought “how hard can it be to sling a dead rat up and over the 7 ‘ fence”, right? Yup! I thought wrong! But it finally hit the street, bounced once with a “splunk” and landed in the median in the middle of the street. I am sure that some street dog dined well this morning.

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In our post-modern society, often the best way to reach a person’s heart with their need of a Savior is to meet their daily physical needs. Being able to earn enough money to support a family is one of the biggest needs of the people God has brought into our lives.

In spite of what the world/U.S. media might have you believe, ENGLISH is STILL the key to financial success and success in the world market! Bolivians know that English skills will gain them a better job here, and if they go to any other country to work, being comfortable or fluent in English gives them an immediate pay raise.

So… we are in our 2nd year of offering high-quality English classes to those who want to learn. I am still re-writing the content to base the teaching more directly from the books of John and Romans. Right now we are memorizing scripture as part of our training.

We did very little advertising or promotion this year, and yet each week we add new students. And the students we have this year are working HARD and attending faithfully, even though their attendance requirements are 4 times that of the course last year. [Last year the requirement was 1 hr/wk. This year, the minimum attendance is 3-4 hrs/wk., and most are attending the extra sessions as well!]

I have had to add a “level up” session just prior to the classes so that the later enrollees can come up to speed with the rest of the class. If we gain any more new students, I will have to convert the level-up time to a class hour of its own.

These are WONDERFUL “challenges” to face!

Because we are only offering Basic English this year, we had some students who worked hard last year, who wanted a bit more of a challenge. So we created an Intensive Basic English class!

Steven teaches this class totally in English. The student are responding well and those who can’t keep up are welcome to come back to my class, where we teach in a hybrid of Spanish and English.

Now… some of you may be wondering “fine… but what does this do for the Kingdom?” Well, I will tell you, from my perspective.

First, we need to realize that not only is the post-modern world skeptical of “traditional evangelism”, Bolivians tend to be more “immune” to those traditional approaches than other cultures we know, particularly because of the betrayal they, as a people, have encountered by leaders over the centuries, and they tend to apply this skepticism to religion as well.

So the first step is to gain the trust of your congregation (those people who are drawn to you). When they trust you, they will listen to you. And then you have a chance to reach them for the Lord.

We started our English ministry with a mostly “Christian” group of people… friends we had made in the various churches with whom we have worked and participated.

But even in THAT group, last year we had 1 salvation and several confirmations of salvations!

But beyond that, out of our investment of last year and this year… we have some seminary students and graduates who want Steven to teach them more about being Servants of God/Christ!

So… we will begin a work of pure direct ministry (that is, apart from our services on Wednesday night and Sunday morning).

And this new ministry is a direct result of the investment of time and love made through the “post-modern outreach” of the English classes, which are a witness in themselves.

But I will leave the details of the GREAT BLESSING of the new class for Steven to share with you!

Thank you for your prayers and for your support. We need your prayers and partnership in order to be able to reach deeper into hearts and the community for the cause of Christ.

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